Onesies like this drive me bonkers

When I saw this onesie almost two years ago I chuckled and rolled my eyes. Just another parenting joke that presents dads as inept helpers around the house. Clearly dads need this onesie to understand the obvious.

It’s just a onesie. No big deal. Why get so worked up about something so silly?

Because it’s stuff like this that perpetuates the idea that our fathers can’t handle parenting like a mother can.

Don’t get me wrong. I think parents have different strengths and weaknesses that set us a part. I believe there are things I will be better at as a mom than my husband and vice versa. I think those strengths are specific to who we are as individuals and the strengths God created in us.

My husband is not strong at planning meals for two weeks for our family to eat. I’m not great at fixing the broken crib in a way that would keep it from breaking again. It’s not a stereotype in our house. It’s just the truth. We have real roles in our home that developed because of who we are as individuals.

But I can live without onesies like this. If anything, this onesie would be funny if it was geared towards the first-time-sleep-deprived parent. Not just the dad.

It’s small seeds like this that produce fruit of “dads are incapable.”

My husband may fumble at times but so do I.

When I sat down to write this I thought “Why do I really care about this? Care enough to write about it?”

I have been given the privilege to raise God-loving-fearing humans. And sometimes I notice things more than I did before. Sometimes I feel a prick in my heart that says the world’s way of thinking isn’t right.

So maybe it’s not really about the onesie.

Maybe it’s about my desire to edify my husband and for my kids to see that. Maybe it’s about a small step in realizing how I speak about my husband to others. It’s the words I use in front of my children.

Maybe I realize how important it is to cheer my husband on as he navigates being a dad. I sure as heck will take all the cheering I can get as a mom.

I don’t want little seeds like this onesie to spark a negative view of my husband as a father. I want to focus on the gifts God has given him that make him a great dad.

Two years ago I received this onesie and chuckled. Two years later I look at this onesie and realize I’m not who I was then and neither is my husband. Thank God for growth.




Why I Quit Rolling my Eyes at My Husband’s Sports Obsession

The NFL theme song echoes up from our basement, signaling the start of the game. My husband has his traditional caffeinated beverage (usually Mt. Dew, but sometimes it’s this tea he makes that is his grandmother’s recipe) and he sits in his chair, eyes wide, anticipating the kick off.

I am upstairs, rolling my eyes because I know what’s coming next. Passionate hollering at the TV, disputes with the refs about an unbelievable call, a frenzy when the defense doesn’t line up fast enough, and the mocking cries when his team scores.

I roll my eyes because I used to see this as a huge annoyance. My husband and his passion for the Kansas City Chiefs. I never took his love for the Chiefs too seriously. I’d shrug my shoulders when they would lose, shake my head when he’d yell at their loss, or better yet, just leave the room when I couldn’t handle all the emotion oozing from him during the longest four quarters of my life.

I never understood my husband’s passion for his favorite team…until I started writing.

There is something about “hobbies” that can bring a person to life. It’s the chance to be just you and fully express these emotions you have that you don’t get to regularly express. I could say that running is right up there for me as an outlet too, but writing is my home away from home. Snuggling up with a cup of coffee in the wee hours of the morning and my journal in my lap brings me a sense of identity, especially as it draws me closer to Christ.

For my husband, that expression of emotions that he doesn’t get to express too regularly comes from watching football. The rough, intense commitment it takes for players to get out there and do what they do calls to my husband. That call falls deaf on my ears but it is something I regretfully admit, took me 10 years to understand the language it speaks to my husband.

Learning to accept my husband's love for sports. Resolving marriage conflict and seeing positive in my husband's love for sports.

I tended to focus on the negative and annoyances I would get out of it. Hence the aforementioned eye rolling, but once I started looking past those emotions of my own, I started see something that I hadn’t before.

My husband is intensely loyal.

I’m not gonna lie, that loyalty sometimes needs a balance, like we still go to church for things even if they are playing BUT we have the capability to record and by God that recording better be set correctly.

He is a loyal fan. He has always supported his team, even when they have gone through losing streaks. I think there is something to be said for that kind of dedication, especially when your team has gone through a 12 game losing streak. Apparently, that’s pretty sucky in the NFL.

With that being said, those character traits of passion and commitment carry over into other areas of his life that I failed to acknowledge because of my own annoyed self.

He has always been loyal to me and now that we have a family, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him work as hard as he has to make sure we can continue with our life choice for me to be a stay at home  mom. He has a sense of commitment to the people he works with and managing them in a way that reflects God’s love and guidance.

I see his passion play out as he connects with our son when he is home in the evenings. Those little memories of his special bath time with our son will always be etched on my heart. He has loyally given that time to me in the evenings as a reprieve from the long days at home.

So if he needs to yell or make sure that we’ve got the DVR set or we say no every so often to eating out with friends, then so be it. He has hardly ever complained about me and my hobbies and passions as I have about his, that’s for sure.

I’m not gonna lie though. I still tease him about what seems like the dumbest idea to me–grown men putting on padding just so they can go out there and hit each other about as hard as they can–but you know, it’s the small things people. And if football is what God wants to use to show me some character traits He gave my husband, then who am I to overlook that?




A Salute to the Working Dad

Husband came home late from work and was exhausted. I could tell he needed a little time to transition from work to being at home. Sometimes I take for granted that he just worked a twelve hour day and coming home from the chaos of work to the chaos that is a two year old boy and three month old daughter takes him a moment.

I personally couldn’t imagine the pressure and responsibility that goes with being a working parent. We talk a lot about the working mom and everything it takes for her to be everything to everyone but I can’t help and wonder about the working dad in the mix of all this.

When do we stop and take a moment to think of him and what he needs?

Wondering about my husband’s needs that night kept nagging at me. I realized how important it is for me to acknowledge the hard work he does for our family.  Letting him know how proud I am to be his wife and mother of his children is sadly something I don’t say enough to him.

I know so many working dads who are passionate about being a dad, passionate about being the main provider of the home or partnering with their wife as they provide together.

Why not encourage him and lift him up for all he does?

Let's take a minute and acknowledge the working dad.

A salute to the working Dad.

A salute to all the times you come home to the poopy diaper and change it with genuine joy…for the most part.

When you walk through the door and are bombarded with the emotions of a little one who had a hard day at school and she needs your hug to make it right.

When your wife looks to you to keep peace in the home because the boys wont stop yelling.

When you say goodnight to your youngest and can’t believe he was an “accident” because you can’t imagine life without him.

When you pull up in the drive and take a few deep breaths before you walk in because you know today is the day your little one would have been five years old.

When you walk in and hug your wife remembering the loss together.

A salute to the nights of washing dishes, taking the dogs out, and playing Candyland after a day of meetings.

When you fall back to sleep after waking in the night because daddy’s snuggles is the only thing that would put him back to sleep and you aren’t thinking about how you have to get up in two hours to work a twelve hour shift, no, you’re thinking about going back in there to finish the night snuggling with your little guy.

When you feel like you’re not doing enough and she surprises you with her drawing from school about you being her favorite person.

A salute to the times when you massage your wife’s feet because you know she just put in a twelve hour day with some of the most important people in your life at home. Maybe she put in a twelve hour day working the graveyard shift and your encouragement means more to her than you realize.

When you sit down with your son to talk about saving his money for that first car you.

When you see your daughter walk across the stage earning that college degree you worked the extra shifts to pay for.

When you walk in and sit down for dinner excited to hear what’s going on in their lives.

Working dads are needed as much as the working mom or stay at home mom or the stay at home dad. Remember to encourage your working Dad. Let him know how much he matters. Life wouldn’t work without him.