When I look back at 2017, I see growth. I see humility. I see conviction.
I see grace.
When I look at the ten most read posts from 2017, I see that I am not alone in the challenges and frustrations I faced as a wife. Not only challenges as a wife, but as a believer in Jesus Christ. I see that I’m not the only one who struggles to remember her identity is found in the One who created her character and I am in dire need of a Savior. In need on the daily.
When I forget his truth, my marriage suffers. My mothering suffers and many of my relationships feel the brunt. So it was no shock to me when I saw that this past year was filled with posts written from a place of growth in my marriage.
Here is a list of the ten most read posts from 2017. I will save the most read post for last but the rest are in no particular order.
“You didn’t realize I was a controller in the beginning. My trait seemed admirable. At first. You saw my drive to push forward even when life around me was falling apart. You saw my persistence to succeed in what I did as determination and focus. You saw the good in me when all I felt was tainted.
Fast forward over ten years later and that persistence and determination torpedoed through our marriage and into my motherhood.” Read more...
“I had been looking forward to the date all week. It had been quite some time since we went out while someone else put the kids to bed for us. We talked about going out to eat, maybe watching a movie or seeing what events might be happening around us. Nothing solidly set other than we knew we were getting out of the house without the kids, by ourselves, as a couple.
What a precious opportunity for us to reconnect as we let the busyness of life distance us.
And there I was in the bathroom giving myself a pep talk like a teenage girl.” Read more…
“So why did I find myself getting stuck in the same rut over and over with my husband?
I felt like we kept running into the same problems. Sure, maybe there were new arguments developing between us like dirty diapers and disciplining the toddler; whereas, five years ago we’d fight about our conflicting hobbies and guys night out.
But the fire behind the fights were essentially the same: we were not meeting each other’s expectations. I realized he wasn’t enough for me.
I felt stuck. I felt alone.” Read more…
“But in that moment in our car, voices raise and I’m not sure what we’re arguing about. We’re not yelling about my change of mind or his irritation. Not really. What we’re yelling about is the unresolved arguments from months ago.” Read more…
Most readers ended up clicking the marriage archives to read more than just one essay. I was surprised this showed up in the top ten stats! But here they are for your perusing.
“It starts when we each settle into our routines in the evening, after a long day of working and parenting, that we slowly start the change. I grab my phone. He grabs his. We think we’re watching TV together as the sound of the commercials fall on deaf ears…I then have to ask myself, how did we get here? How did we become the model marriage of robotic intimacy?” Read more…
“Having different love languages can create a lot of tension in a home if not approached with grace. For one, acts of service is NOT my main love language and two, he lives here also and I’m all about that equal partnering stuff in the home so why should I be expected to do all these acts of service just because it’s his main love language?!” Read more…
“Was it after our first year of marriage when we realized that saying “I’m sorry” was one of the hardest lessons we’d have to learn as a young couple? Or was it learning to say “I forgive you”?
Was it when some of the lies we had told tried tearing through our vows to love each other for better or worst?
Was it when I desperately longed for you to change? For us to change?
I think of the many nights I laid in bed, crying, wishing for things to be different. I think of the days filled with anger and selfishness. I think of all the times when all I did was think of myself.
I think of when I would pull away from you, full of myself and you never strayed. You always moved towards me as I tried to move away from you.” Read more…
“And then I was crying. Crying because I knew where this was going. I knew that I was still carrying the weight of my past and turning a blind eye to triggers that were eating away at my heart.
How could I enjoy motherhood with this kind of weight? How could I ever find peace and grace with my husband when He never seemed like enough?” Read more…
And the most read post of 2017…!!!!
“See how quickly I got there? I went from diaper to date nights.
And that’s when I realized my husband isn’t enough.
My husband isn’t enough.
He’s not supposed to be.” Read more…