Struggling Faith

When You Feel Like Your Job Has No Value In The Kingdom

How quickly I forget my true identity of who I am in Christ.

This morning I woke up and had this overwhelming sense of unworthiness. I wondered if all this writing business I’m attempting really encourages anyone. And I know I’m not alone in this sort of personal value intake.

Husband and I have talked about this before. He too has gone through phases where he feels like his job is...

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Marriage, Struggling Faith

Maybe Being Angry in your Marriage is a Good Thing

Sometimes I get so angry with my husband that I can’t even begin to explain what that anger feels like.

I get incredibly frustrated. Like I just want to pull my hair out. Literally. Anything to take my mind off how angry I am.

Sometimes I play these scenes over and over in my head. Husband comes home from work. I yell at him. He sort of yells and responds, we hug and forgive and then...

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Struggling Faith, Writer Confessions

Just Because You’re Good at Something Doesn’t Mean You Should Do It

Sometimes I think the busier I am the happier I am. Until I start running on empty. I run on empty because I can't keep up with all the busy.

But then I tell myself that the busy is good. I'm pretty good at convincing myself that all the busy is meaningful because I'm helping someone else out or being a blessing when someone needs it. Or it makes me just plain happy. Those seem to be pretty...

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Motherhood, Struggling Faith

To the Weary Mama

“Give me your heart, give me your song, sing it will all your might
Come to the Fountain and you can be satisfied.
There is a peace. There is a love you can get lost inside.
Come to the Fountain and let me hear you testify.”
                       ~NEEDTOBREATH “TESTIFY”

 

Motherhood is a gift that easily gets tainted. I know I am my own worst enemy most times. So much anxiety and...

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Struggling Faith

When I Can’t See His Truth

Coffee is gurgling from the corner of my kitchen. I need this cup this morning. Time has slipped through my grasp and I need to stop and breathe today. An overwhelming sigh escapes me. Coffee, Bible and journal in hand, I sit at my kitchen table that has seen many of my tears and fears on numerous ragged, dark early mornings.

As I open my journal, I am guilted by the gap in the dates marked...

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To those grieving this holiday season
Best of, Grief, Struggling Faith

To Those Grieving This Holiday

This morning I woke at about  3:30 and just couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't wake thinking about food getting cooked, family gathering and laughing. I didn't think about Black Friday shopping or the crazy chaos of the day.

I didn't think about anything other than my mother.

My heart was so heavy I could hardly contain myself. I realized that I was starting to dread the start of the...

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Struggling Faith

What Should I Tell My Children about Trump Being President?

This morning I woke up and dreaded looking at my phone. I knew no matter the winner, I was going to have to reconcile my feelings with the new President of the United States and God. If you would have asked me when I first started writing that I would be writing someday about “Donald Trump as President,” then I would have looked at you and laughed. But here we are. A day full of so many...

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Best of, Grief, Struggling Faith

What It’s Like to Grieve Without God

It took about fifteen minutes.

From seeing the sun just barely above the horizon, to it dipping down below the fields, signaling dusk, we buried my mother in fifteen minutes on an unusually cool summer evening in Kansas.

No service. No big memorial. Just her children and some grandchildren in a place special to my mother. Just how she wanted it.

It took about fifteen minutes.

Mom had been...

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Gratitude, Struggling Faith

Keep My Eyes to Serve, My Hands to Learn

Keep the earth below my feet

For all my sweat, my blood runs weak
Let me learn from where I have been
Keep my eyes to serve and my hands to learn
Keep my eyes to serve and my hands to learn”
                -Mumford and Sons “Below My Feet”

Rolling over in bed, my eyes squinting open, I can see it’s still dark out. I inhale my husband’s soapy, snuggly morning...

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Marriage, Struggling Faith

Is it OK to love on my husband when I don’t feel like it?

Spices are in the air. The heat from the oven overwhelms me as I take out the rolls for dinner. Clanking from the corner as Asher decides a spoon is the best for banging against his plate. Dogs are licking up flying food. Steam from the stove top as my potatoes bubble, telling me they're done. It's just occurred to me that I haven't pee'd since this morning. Now we're crying from the corner...

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