I never thought I would be sad to welcome our second child.
I used to think I would have only one child. Scratch that. I used to think we’d never have any children. I used to think I’d be a teacher forever and that was good enough. And here I am a mom of a toddler boy with our second, a girl, due in a few weeks.
And I can’t imagine life any other way.
Seriously, I cannot fathom my life without our little family. I never thought it would be possible for me to love someone so much as I love my son and our future daughter. I love my husband and we choose each other every day, but it’s a different bond God creates.
The bond I have with my son is a different world.
That face in the morning when I get him from his room. The immediate energy bursting through as he is jumping on his bed at the crack of dawn. The exuberance when running across the kitchen to tackle one of the dogs. He is big emotions and they captivate me every single day.
And in those quiet moments when we watch Charlotte’s Web for the bazillionth time, and he lets me hold his hand, I can’t help but soak it in. I can’t help but feel a swelling sense of privilege to be his mother.
Sometimes I think God created the seasons of parenthood as a means for us to grasp a tiny bit of what His love is like for us.
I never understood what other parents meant when they said it’s a privilege to raise children.
And as I commit these special and chaotic moments to memory, I am washed over with a bittersweet twinge in my heart. The kicking in my swelling womb reminds me that our world is about to change even more.
The afternoons of a quiet snack and movie with mom, with just the two of us, will be three.
I think of the specialness that comes with the first child. The firsts for everything.
I remember those long nights when I thought I might go insane from lack of sleep. I remember crying with him as I held him close in my arms because I didn’t know what to do for him. I remember the explosive poops on the changing table. I remember the first laugh. The first roll. The first crawl. The first five hours of straight sleep.
All those firsts that made me feel like a light was shining through me as joy burst from my heart. We had done it. We survived.
My son, these first two years with you have been a privilege. The joy and the challenges that came from taking care of you brought me closer to Christ and are forever etched in my heart.