Marriage

Why I Quit Rolling my Eyes at My Husband’s Sports Obsession

The NFL theme song echoes up from our basement, signaling the start of the game. My husband has his traditional caffeinated beverage (usually Mt. Dew, but sometimes it’s this tea he makes that is his grandmother’s recipe) and he sits in his chair, eyes wide, anticipating the kick off. I am upstairs, rolling my eyes because I know what’s coming next. Passionate hollering at the TV,...
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Motherhood, Struggling Faith

To the Weary Mama

“Give me your heart, give me your song, sing it will all your might Come to the Fountain and you can be satisfied. There is a peace. There is a love you can get lost inside. Come to the Fountain and let me hear you testify.”                        ~NEEDTOBREATH “TESTIFY”   Motherhood is a gift that easily gets tainted. I know I am my own worst enemy most times. So...
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Writer Confessions

My Two Words for the Year 2016

Back in January I wrote a post about my two words for the year 2016. As I look back and see what my goals were I sort of chuckle to myself. I had a new baby, a new blog, and a bunch of new endeavors I wanted to tackle. For the most part I think I stayed realistic with myself and self-aware of how I operate when it comes to these resolution things. And honestly, I feel like I stuck with a...
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Struggling Faith

When I Can’t See His Truth

Coffee is gurgling from the corner of my kitchen. I need this cup this morning. Time has slipped through my grasp and I need to stop and breathe today. An overwhelming sigh escapes me. Coffee, Bible and journal in hand, I sit at my kitchen table that has seen many of my tears and fears on numerous ragged, dark early mornings. As I open my journal, I am guilted by the gap in the dates marked...
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To those grieving this holiday season
Grief, Struggling Faith

To Those Grieving This Holiday

This morning I woke at about  3:30 and just couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't wake thinking about food getting cooked, family gathering and laughing. I didn't think about Black Friday shopping or the crazy chaos of the day. I didn't think about anything other than my mother. My heart was so heavy I could hardly contain myself. I realized that I was starting to dread the start of the...
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Struggling Faith

What Should I Tell My Children about Trump Being President?

This morning I woke up and dreaded looking at my phone. I knew no matter the winner, I was going to have to reconcile my feelings with the new President of the United States and God. If you would have asked me when I first started writing that I would be writing someday about “Donald Trump as President,” then I would have looked at you and laughed. But here we are. A day full of so many...
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When husband feels like a roommate
Marriage

When Your Spouse Starts to Feel Like a Roommate

Exhaling loudly, I let myself fall onto our couch. I scan the room for the monitor to check if Mike is still praying with our toddler upstairs. I glance in the kitchen and see the dishes that have yet piled high again. The dogs are whining, needing to be let outside. I roll my eyes, annoyed that no one thought to let them out before dinner. It’s the end of the day and my patience has...
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Grief, Struggling Faith

What It’s Like to Grieve Without God

It took about fifteen minutes.

From seeing the sun just barely above the horizon, to it dipping down below the fields, signaling dusk, we buried my mother in fifteen minutes on an unusually cool summer evening in Kansas.

No service. No big memorial. Just her children and some grandchildren in a place special to my mother. Just how she wanted it.

It took about fifteen minutes.

Mom had been...

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Gratitude, Struggling Faith

Keep My Eyes to Serve, My Hands to Learn

Keep the earth below my feet For all my sweat, my blood runs weak Let me learn from where I have been Keep my eyes to serve and my hands to learn Keep my eyes to serve and my hands to learn”                 -Mumford and Sons “Below My Feet” Rolling over in bed, my eyes squinting open, I can see it’s still dark out. I inhale my husband’s soapy, snuggly morning...
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Grief, Poetic Mama

Empty Grief

I forgot to call upon Your name. I couldn’t see out of this bottomless pit. My grief felt empty. I felt alone. Blind. Numb. Empty. I couldn’t see out of this bottomless pit. Missing you more than I ever thought possible. Blind. Numb. Empty. Wishing I had spent those times with you when I said no. Missing you more than I ever thought possible. Wondering if you knew how much I...
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